Things are not the way they used to be

I'm officially 24 now. The last minute of 8th of October had past moments ago and I really do realize, that I'm not young anymore. I can no longer act and response depending solely on what I feel, need or want, there's other things to consider now.

I'm writing this because I'm troubled, for quite a few days now. I don't know what to do, I can't make decisions rationally because there's too much emotion involved, both mine and P's. I can't make the decision based on my feelings because I'm never sure of how I feel or if I'm sure, will it last?

If only I'm a couple of years younger, I can do whatever I feel like. Just because I'm young, and there's time and space for mistakes and to start over again. Then I would dive in without a doubt and let fate take its course.

I desperately need someone to tell me "just go ahead and do whatever you feel like, no matter what happens, we've got your back." But this time there's no one to turn to, and I really doubt that they'll support me on this one even if I do tell them.

So it's just me this time. Confuse and lost as I can ever be, pushed to the corner where no one can hear me.

Or maybe I'm just thinking too much and that I should just ride along through the next 2 months and only crack my head then. Or is it best that I cut things off now, before both of us are in too deep, into something that will never work.

Or should I say, "fuck it, I'm going down in flames with you."

You said, your compass only points to me, but where does mine points to?


Will I be able to Lurve always?

What better reason to break up?

The previous post was pretty long so gonna try to cut it short this time. Hopefully, because I tend to be carried away. :D

Waiting for that special someone?

I just took a Facebook quiz that's titled "Your attitude towards breakups". It's a rather simple quiz with just one scenario question. I dunno how the scenario is even remotely related to breaking up so am just gonna skip to the results. And here's my verdict,

You are very kind, and hate to see anyone getting hurt because of you. When it comes to the point that breaking up is the only viable option, you will never make it clear to him, and will just distance yourself from him, letting the relationship ends, slowly but surely. This is of course the simplest and easiest method for you to end things, but it is extremely cruel to him. This is because he is trapped in this relationship, without an answer, not knowing that whether he should leave or stay, causing him much pain in the process. Once you have decided to breakup, you won't spend time to explain everything, and you couldn't care less about how much suffering this will brought unto him. You cold hearted bitch.

Hmm... This couldn't be more far off from the truth. I hate being played around with like that, trapped in a relationship, not sure of where you stand and going nowhere. So for sure I wouldn't put anyone through all that unnecessary pain.

I've only ever broken up with my previous boyfriends with one reason. I don't love/like you anymore. Of course I don't say it so directly la, it'll be like slapping them in the face, wearing MJ's diamond studded glove or something like that. Ouch! I try to put it nicer like, "I don't feel for you the way I used to" or "I like you but I don't think I love/like you enough to take this relationship further".

Speaking for myself, this is the best reason ever for breaking up. I don't love you anymore. Would you rather breaking up with you lover, just because of you couldn't stand the way he/she sneeze? Or because of long distance, objection from family & friends, character difference or cheating from either party?

Definitely a big NO for me. Because all these reasons of breaking up, are not absolute. If you still love each other then somehow you'll find a way, against all odds. If you did break up because of god knows what reasons while both of you are still in love, then one day you'll definitely look back and regret. There will always be this little voice in your heart saying, "What if we tried harder? What if I just forgave him/her? What if I wasn't so afraid of what others might think of us?"

It's a totally different situation when one party stops loving the other or both of you just fell out of love overtime. There really isn't any reason to continue being together then, is it? Well you can try as hard as you can, but you'll never be able to force yourself to love someone, no matter how wonderful they are. You might be able enjoy each other's company and act as a normal couple would, but deep down you'll know that something's missing, that it's not enough to have a "pleasant" relationship with another, and you crave for more.

Well some of you may think, "you think fairy tale meh? So easy to love until like Jack and Rose (from Titanic, you jump I jump) ar? Can find someone that can bear with you already arigato d!" Call me silly, but I still believe that one day I'll find someone that I'll be passionate about, someone I would cry for and die for, someone I really love. (well maybe not die for, I still have my mama, papa, brother, sister and friends to live for!)

Hopefully before I turn 30. XD

Have you found your special someone?

I think I did for a minute there!

Lurve always~*