Things are not the way they used to be

I'm officially 24 now. The last minute of 8th of October had past moments ago and I really do realize, that I'm not young anymore. I can no longer act and response depending solely on what I feel, need or want, there's other things to consider now.

I'm writing this because I'm troubled, for quite a few days now. I don't know what to do, I can't make decisions rationally because there's too much emotion involved, both mine and P's. I can't make the decision based on my feelings because I'm never sure of how I feel or if I'm sure, will it last?

If only I'm a couple of years younger, I can do whatever I feel like. Just because I'm young, and there's time and space for mistakes and to start over again. Then I would dive in without a doubt and let fate take its course.

I desperately need someone to tell me "just go ahead and do whatever you feel like, no matter what happens, we've got your back." But this time there's no one to turn to, and I really doubt that they'll support me on this one even if I do tell them.

So it's just me this time. Confuse and lost as I can ever be, pushed to the corner where no one can hear me.

Or maybe I'm just thinking too much and that I should just ride along through the next 2 months and only crack my head then. Or is it best that I cut things off now, before both of us are in too deep, into something that will never work.

Or should I say, "fuck it, I'm going down in flames with you."

You said, your compass only points to me, but where does mine points to?


Will I be able to Lurve always?

Simply saja - Kiss and Afterlife

Gosh work is killing me lately, been going back to the office for the past few weekends to get things done faster. The date line's next Monday, looks like I'm gonna have to work late for the next 2 days and also go back to the office on Saturday and Sunday. There goes my beautiful weekend!

Anyway my mind's too blank to write anything nice, funny or meaningful. So just gonna share a song which I personally Lurve~~ Hope you'll like it too and that it'll make your 10 minutes spent on reading this post not a complete waste of time!

Venke Knutson - Kiss


And here's another song that I like quite a lot, which is of a completely different genre from the one above!

Avenged Sevenfold - Afterlife


Lurve always~*

What better reason to break up?

The previous post was pretty long so gonna try to cut it short this time. Hopefully, because I tend to be carried away. :D

Waiting for that special someone?

I just took a Facebook quiz that's titled "Your attitude towards breakups". It's a rather simple quiz with just one scenario question. I dunno how the scenario is even remotely related to breaking up so am just gonna skip to the results. And here's my verdict,

You are very kind, and hate to see anyone getting hurt because of you. When it comes to the point that breaking up is the only viable option, you will never make it clear to him, and will just distance yourself from him, letting the relationship ends, slowly but surely. This is of course the simplest and easiest method for you to end things, but it is extremely cruel to him. This is because he is trapped in this relationship, without an answer, not knowing that whether he should leave or stay, causing him much pain in the process. Once you have decided to breakup, you won't spend time to explain everything, and you couldn't care less about how much suffering this will brought unto him. You cold hearted bitch.

Hmm... This couldn't be more far off from the truth. I hate being played around with like that, trapped in a relationship, not sure of where you stand and going nowhere. So for sure I wouldn't put anyone through all that unnecessary pain.

I've only ever broken up with my previous boyfriends with one reason. I don't love/like you anymore. Of course I don't say it so directly la, it'll be like slapping them in the face, wearing MJ's diamond studded glove or something like that. Ouch! I try to put it nicer like, "I don't feel for you the way I used to" or "I like you but I don't think I love/like you enough to take this relationship further".

Speaking for myself, this is the best reason ever for breaking up. I don't love you anymore. Would you rather breaking up with you lover, just because of you couldn't stand the way he/she sneeze? Or because of long distance, objection from family & friends, character difference or cheating from either party?

Definitely a big NO for me. Because all these reasons of breaking up, are not absolute. If you still love each other then somehow you'll find a way, against all odds. If you did break up because of god knows what reasons while both of you are still in love, then one day you'll definitely look back and regret. There will always be this little voice in your heart saying, "What if we tried harder? What if I just forgave him/her? What if I wasn't so afraid of what others might think of us?"

It's a totally different situation when one party stops loving the other or both of you just fell out of love overtime. There really isn't any reason to continue being together then, is it? Well you can try as hard as you can, but you'll never be able to force yourself to love someone, no matter how wonderful they are. You might be able enjoy each other's company and act as a normal couple would, but deep down you'll know that something's missing, that it's not enough to have a "pleasant" relationship with another, and you crave for more.

Well some of you may think, "you think fairy tale meh? So easy to love until like Jack and Rose (from Titanic, you jump I jump) ar? Can find someone that can bear with you already arigato d!" Call me silly, but I still believe that one day I'll find someone that I'll be passionate about, someone I would cry for and die for, someone I really love. (well maybe not die for, I still have my mama, papa, brother, sister and friends to live for!)

Hopefully before I turn 30. XD

Have you found your special someone?

I think I did for a minute there!

Lurve always~*

Trouble with sleeping?

Ok, it's 12.50pm now. I'm suppose to be having lunch with my colleagues like I normally do. but I'm not. Why? Well I thought I'd be able to save some time for a quick nap cos I was sooo damn sleepy this morning!! But after trying very hard for the past 15 minutes, resting my head on my small pillow/cushion, I gave up.

It's always been like this for me. even back in the days when I'm still studying. I tend to fall asleep in classes, all the time!! I know everyone falls asleep in class very often, but definitely not the way I do. Well for the first 1 or 2 years, I only fell asleep on the boring classes, where the lecturers were usually doing a lousy job. you know the type, boring topic to start with, and they just read from the slides of power point, no humour, no energy, flat tone kinda speech. I think everyone who's been a student once will agree that it's perfectly normal to sleep on such classes. Yea that's what I did.

But my case has gotten way worse than that during my years in advance diploma. I will literally sleeps in every classes. I remember we have this contract management subject for all 2 years of our advance diploma, and it's a subject that I personally like a lot, and I usually score on this paper. The lecturer were doing a hell of a job, good handouts, interesting way of teaching, case study discussions and cracking jokes all along the way. Seriously, everyone enjoyed his class so much that no one wants to miss his class. We were all great students! During his classes at least.

Despite how I'm fond of the subject and how great his lecture was, I still fell asleep on his classes. I really couldn't help myself! 20 minutes into the 2 hour lecture and I'll be drown by sleepiness and I'll dose off soon after that. Well I can't have that can i? Not if I wanna score in this paper! So me and my supportive friends decided to sit on the very first row, right in front of the lecturer. I always volunteer to sit in the middle so that I'll be face to face with the lecturer and the distance between us would be like, half a meter. that's way close to the lecturer! Not even enough distance for a somewhat over weight person to pass between us!

You'd think sitting under the lecturer's nose will definitely keep me awake. That's so far off from what happen! More often than not, the lecturer would stop abruptly in the middle of his lecture, look down at me and an announce to the whole lecture hall (around 200 pupil) that I've fallen asleep again! God knows how many times this has happened throughout the 2 years of my advance diploma. Well naturally everyone in the hall burst out laughing and my dear friends sitting beside me will have to elbow me to wake me up!

OMG I can't tell you how embarrassed I was, for the first few times at least. After that everyone got use to it, including the lecturer and me. The same happened to every single class I attended, no matter what's the subject and who's the lecturer. Heck I even fell asleep during my convocation! After I've received my scroll which was empty by the way, there's still tonnes of student behind us, waiting for their turn. So I adjusted to the most comfortable position possible, and doze off.

Luckily I'm good at last minute study and also many thanks to my dear course mates who would lend me their notes to photostat! I wouldn't be able to graduate if it weren't for you guys for sure!

All that happened when the lecturer's up front trying to pass on some useful information to us, but during the 10 minute break time, it was a whole different story. I'll be up and awake, energetic as I can ever be. After that 10 minute of bickering, joking and making fun among friends, I'll tune back to my usual sleepy self again.

Now I've just found out about EDS, Excessive Daytime Sleepiness from Wikipedia, you can click here if you wanna know more bout it, or if you're facing the same problem like me. Just a short definition here.

Excessive daytime sleepiness (EDS) is characterized by persistent sleepiness, and often a general lack of energy, even after apparently adequate night time sleep. Sudden involuntary sleep onset, and microsleeps are common complications. EDS is one of the two forms of hypersomnia, the other being prolonged nighttime sleep.

There's a simple tool you can use to evaluate yourself of this disorder is the Epworth Sleepiness Scale. It's more like a quiz, here's how it goes. (I've put in my score here)

How likely are you to doze off or fall asleep in the following situations, in contrast to feeling just tired? This refers to your usual way of life in recent times. Even if you have not done some of these things recently try to work out how they would have affected you. Use the following scare to choose the most appropriate number for each situation:

0 = No chance of dozing
1 = Slight chance of dozing
2 = Moderate chance of dozing
3 = High chance of dozing


Situation

• Sitting and reading. My score: 2 (it kinda depends on what I'm reading, but likely to fall asleep I would say)
  

• Watching TV. My score: 3 (as I recall, the last couple of times when I actually spent some time in front of the TV, all end up with me falling asleep on the couch)

• Sitting inactive in a public place. My score: 2 (now that's a recipe for disaster! not in theater maybe but meeting, definitely)

• As a passenger in a car for an hour without a break. My score: 3 (give me 20 minutes and I'll already be sleep talking)

• Lying down to rest in the afternoon when the circumstances permit. My score: 2 (normally I would have said 3 for sure but given what happened just hours ago, lunch break but cannot sleep, I settled for 2 instead.)

• Sitting and talking to someone. My score: 1 (it's normally quite hard to doze off when you're in a one on one conversation, but it did happened on me, not sure how many times but definitely more than once)

• Sitting quietly after a lunch without alcohol. My score: 3 (come on, lunch intake so much carbohydrate, blood sugar increase, of course will be sleepy!)

• In a car, while stopped for a few minutes in traffic. My score: 0!! (I tend to be pretty nervous behind the wheels, so no way of falling asleep there)
  

So my total score will be..... *drum roll*.... 2+3+2+3+2+1+3+0=16! Now let's see what my diagnose, according to the Epworth Sleepiness Scale Key will be:

1 - 6 Congratulations! You're getting enough sleep!
7 - 8 Your score is average.
9 and above Seek the advice of a sleep specialist without delay.

Care to introduce me a good sleep specialist anyone?


Lurve always~ *yawn*

Californication, wicked wicked show!

Not your average sitcoms from America. A friend of mine told me about this show earlier this year, Californication, and how I really really really need to watch it. It's HILARIOUS AND FREAKING MIND BLOWING!, he said.

So I went and bought both 1st and 2nd season from Prangin Mall, which is the place to go if you're looking for pirated DVDs. Of course there's one-stop and batu ferringhi but they don't have it in one-stop and batu ferringhi is just way too far plus I don't dare to drive there.

The story line revolves around this very talented writer Hank Moody, starring David Duchovny (Molder, the guy from X-File), who's dealing with his years long case of writers' block. He has a 12 year old daughter, Beca and is supposedly separated with his ex-girlfriend, Karen (whom he never got over). So he's basically trying to set a good example to Beca, get back together with Karen and write another bestselling novel. But he's not doing a pretty good job at that I tell you, what with the drugs, sex and alcohol. Watch the video and you'll get a rough idea. And let me tell you one thing, this video is already tuned down like 80%. You've gotta watch the real thing to get the full blown out of it!



What I really like about this show is the dialogue, all those hilarious, witty, smart ass and twisted dialogue they (mainly from Hank) have in a daily basis. I would really be tongue tied facing such a guy. But seriously, Hank Moody is totally the type of guy I would fall for, and so totally out of my league lol. Kudos to David Duchovny for an outstanding portray of this character, he actually won the Golden Globe for this role.

There's one particular scene in season 1 that is so... so.... so... lol no words can describe it I think. I was like slapping on my lap, covering my eyes and my mouth (to prevent my jaw from dropping) and thinking "no no no no, please I don't think I can watch this happen!". I'm not gonna waste my time describing what happened cos I don't think my writing is good enough to do it justice and I would just ruin it for you guys out there who's planning to go watch it after reading this.

I'm now half way through downloading season 2. I know I said earlier that I bought the DVD for season 2 but unfortunately, my dear BuiBui finds it very tasty and chew on it when no one's home! OMG BuiBui what have you done!! I came home wanting to start on season 2 and found her happily chewing away. I so wanna strangle her but she looked at me with her big innocent eyes, wagging her tails, not knowing the damages she'd caused, and my heart just melts. Haiz I can never be angry at them, that's why they're so naughty!

Anyway, warning before hand, this show contains one too many sex scenes and is not meant for minor and the faint hearted ones. If you find yourself falling under either category, please don't watch it (or at least do it discretely). ;D

Favourite quote from season 2, "Wrong place, wrong time, wrong VAGINA!!"

Ending this post with a very cute song, who my friend introduced me to.
Kantoi by Zee Avi.




Lurve always~*

The pain of sharing a room with your sis!

I don't know why but I always writes my blog entries in the middle of the night.

Yesterday my sis shouted at me early in the morning for waking her up. I set 3 alarm clocks using my hand phone and put it somewhere out of my reach so that I'll have to get out of bed in the morning to shut it up, but only to crawl back into my bed and fall asleep again. Seriously it's that hard to get me out of bed. So in between all the alarm ringing and snoozing, I woke up my sis instead, you see we share a room since like forever.

It's been like this since we were both kids. Back when I was in Form 3, I actually slept in the living room for one whole year cos of this. I was in the morning class and she in the afternoon class. My alarm always wakes her up instead of me and she'd have to slap me in the face or kick me in the butt to get me out of the bed. And eventually she couldn't take it anymore and kicked me out of our room. Well I didn't really mind though, I can sleep anywhere no problem. XD

But now that we're both working, history's repeating itself again. And though I didn't mind sleeping on the couch for one whole year back then, am not too keen of doing that again for sure. Well all you people out there who shares a room with your siblings would have a perfect idea about what I'm saying here. So I'm kinda hoping that my bro with get married soon and I can get his room!! Hahaha. Sadly, not sure it's gonna happen that soon though. Till then, I guess my sis will just have to bear with me.

Lurve always~*

P.S. I have no idea why I ended up writing this, it's not what I intended to write

in the first place. Sweat.

Brain jamed & TOTALLY LOST!

I've been staring at the New Post page for an hour, writing one or two sentence and deleting it over and over again. =.=

It's not that I have nothing to write about, just cannot decide on which one and how to start on it. Some more I've been pretty much worn out these few days, heavy workload, best friend crashing in my place, out shopping and having tons of fun!

Well I guess I do have one thing to share rite now. Last Sunday, I sent my best friend Mei off to the bus station in Queensbay Mall. We made it there safely alright, missing a few turns but reached there in time nevertheless. So I'm on my own on the way back. You'd think I would know my way home since I've been there quite a few times.

HELL NO!! I made like 10 consecutive wrong turns and took an extra half an hour to reach home!! All I did was went up the flyover when I should just go straight and turn left to Greenlane and I'll be safe. And it all went terribly wrong from there. I ended up somewhere in Jelutong which I'm totally not familiar with.

All I can do is to follow the roadsigns which read "Pusat Bandar" with a ferry painted under it. And after another few wrong turns, I see KOMTAR right in front of me! It's like God's answer to my prayers! OK so now I just have to drive towards KOMTAR and I should know my way from there.

But by then I'm was already so confused and disheartened, I still manage to make wrong turns on the roads which I'm quite familiar with. Damn sad. Luckily by then I was already quite near to my place and managed to find my way home afterall. (It's good that I decided to come back and work in Penang and not stay in KL. Who knows where I would end up if I were to get lost in Kl. I might just went up the wrong high way and end up in Pahang or something.)

So there I was, driving into my house, can't wait to get out of the car, and be greated by my 5 eager dogs. There they are, already waiting at the door steps, wagging their cute fluffy little tails, wait, 1, 2, 3.... Where's my Supermodel-Belle and Fatty-BuiBui? OMG, I took them to the groomer this morning and was suppose to pick them up after I dropped Mei off!

@#$#$#$^#$@

Here we go again. And thank God I didn't get lost this time.

After all the driving and getting lost, seeing them just makes my day that much brighter!!

Hopefully seeing them will brighten up you day too! (Supermodel-Belle & MehMeh)


This was BelleBelle when she was just around 1 month old I think! So CHUBI!!!


As you can see, Fatty-BuiBui is already waiting for me.
Goodnight and sweet dreams to all.


Lurve always~*