Friday, October 9, 2009

Things are not the way they used to be

I'm officially 24 now. The last minute of 8th of October had past moments ago and I really do realize, that I'm not young anymore. I can no longer act and response depending solely on what I feel, need or want, there's other things to consider now.

I'm writing this because I'm troubled, for quite a few days now. I don't know what to do, I can't make decisions rationally because there's too much emotion involved, both mine and P's. I can't make the decision based on my feelings because I'm never sure of how I feel or if I'm sure, will it last?

If only I'm a couple of years younger, I can do whatever I feel like. Just because I'm young, and there's time and space for mistakes and to start over again. Then I would dive in without a doubt and let fate take its course.

I desperately need someone to tell me "just go ahead and do whatever you feel like, no matter what happens, we've got your back." But this time there's no one to turn to, and I really doubt that they'll support me on this one even if I do tell them.

So it's just me this time. Confuse and lost as I can ever be, pushed to the corner where no one can hear me.

Or maybe I'm just thinking too much and that I should just ride along through the next 2 months and only crack my head then. Or is it best that I cut things off now, before both of us are in too deep, into something that will never work.

Or should I say, "fuck it, I'm going down in flames with you."

You said, your compass only points to me, but where does mine points to?

Will I be able to Lurve always?


Kevin Chan said...

Hey, happy belated birthday there!

We all make mistakes in our lives, but it is only through those mistakes that we learn. But as painful as those mistakes are, don't let the pain hold you back from learning and growing.

You'll never be too old or too mature to learn and try new things but I guess love will always be a mystery because you can go through your whole life never knowing if we're with the right people but when someone right comes along, we suddenly... just know.

All the best in figuring out the right thing to do! But my experience teaches me to stay away from leading people on unless I really, really find myself loving them (which really doesn't happen very often).